Thursday, October 3, 2013

K - Chapter 1 Rewrite! : Gavriel

I thought I'd experiment with doing Zone 1 in first person (switching between Gavriel's and Meri's points of view), so I'm posting a rewrite of the first chapter. I may switch back to third person depending on how I like this version. Enjoy!


“Everyone, please settle down! Can I please have your attention?”
The murmurs in the town square subsided, and all of the faces turned towards me. I was standing precariously on the ledge of the fountain. Seeing that everyone was now listening, I cleared my throat. 
“Gavriel, wait,” said Serge, and held his arm out. “There are only 29 of us here, including you.” He fiddled with the clipboard he held, crinkling the pages between his fingers, a nervous habit that was distracting, especially in my state of mind. “We know that Cole Bauer won’t come out, but we’re still missing someone.”
I tried to picture all of the remaining citizens in my head, but lost track as Serge’s fiddling increased. I turned to him and placed a firm hand on his fingers to stop the crinkling. “Are you sure there were 31 survivors?” I asked him, who nodded in reply eagerly.
“I was in charge of body counts,” he replied, and started flipping through the pages to check. “I know that someone isn’t—“
“I’m here now,” interrupted a voice.
The crowd turned to see the newcomer. There were disgruntled murmurs and whispers as Meri made her way to the front of the crowds. I could see the stares bore into her, and yet she merely just passed by the crowd without another glance. Within moments, she was right by my feet. 
She craned her neck and looked up at me. “Sorry for being late, I hope I didn’t miss anything from our newly minted mayor.” She smiled up at me.
Something irked me about that smile, about the way she nonchalantly interrupted this important day, about the way she put sarcastic emphasis on the word “mayor.” And looking at everyone’s faces, I could tell I wasn’t the only one.
“Nothing at all, Meri,” I replied, and I could feel the annoyance creep into my voice. I coughed, and plastered a serene smile on my face. “Next time, it would be best if you were more punctual,” I replied.
“Of course, of course,” she replied. “Now, it would be wise to continue with your meeting. It is quite cold, and I’m sure we’d all rather be inside.”
I reached up to brush a curl of hair away from my eyes. “Very well then.”  I sighed, and silently went through the checklist. Back straight, chin up, voice clear.
“Thank you for coming out,” I said loudly, and I could see the audience’s attention focus on me. “This past week has been very difficult for all of us,” I said softer now, remembering Father’s last moments. I pushed those thoughts away and continued, “But this is very important, if we are to survive.”
Breathe, I reminded myself, and I fingered the pocket watch that weighed heavily in my pocket. “We all know that winter is coming fast upon us, but our electricity will be out within three days without anyone with an electrician’s knowledge. We do have gas and wood, but those are all very limited resources, not enough to share amongst all the households.” I paused to let the information sink in. “Serge, if you will,” I gestured.
Serge hopped off of the ledge and started passing out sheets of paper in the crowd, all of them identical to each other. He seemed glad to be moving around and doing things rather than standing next to me.
I waited until Serge was finished before I started speaking again. “Because of this strict deadline and limitation in supplies, I therefore prepose to move everyone into the two largest houses in the town: the Lafite’s and the Hansen’s before tomorrow at noon.”
“Why are you volunteering my house without even bothering to ask me?” asked Shawn, indignant.
I knew this was going to happen, and I had already memorized a diplomatic response. “I apologize, Shawn,” I said gently, “but this is for the good of the town. The houses are next to each other, which helps provide security and accessibility. I hope to put aside the history of differences between our households, if it means that we can all live safely.”
Everyone turned to Shawn with expectant looks in their eyes. He froze, then muttered his assent. Perfect. Everything went to plan, and I couldn’t help but smile a little.
Serge tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at the clock tower. I was confused for a moment, and then remembered that I had told Serge to remind me of the time limit on each topic. A strict schedule is always best for organization I was always told, and this would be the first time to ever really try it out. Serge started tapping on his clipboard, and I nodded reassuringly at him.
I found the folded copy of the distributed pages in my pocket and took it out. I held it out to the crowd. “On these hand-outs, you’ll find a list telling you which house you’ll be placed in, and a diagram that shows what room is your designated living area.” A few hands shot up, but I shook his head. “We still have two more items on the agenda, anyone who has housing concerns can find me later.”
I waited until the hands were lowered before I continued. “Next is the matter of food and water. Water is a simple matter, as the lake is only a five minute walk south of here, and we can also boil snow.”
“Who’s going to get the water?” asked Noel. “There’s no way I’m letting Sophia go out in the cold and carry large buckets of water or snow, she’s barely capable at twelve years old!” He encircled one arm around Sophia to emphasize his point.
“Noel, I can handle it myself,” protested Sophia, pushing Noel’s arm away.
“Come on Noel, stop being an old nag, just let Gavriel continue and leave sis alone,” said Levi, rolling his eyes.
“Levi, do not talk to me in that manner or—“
“Please, calm down,” I interrupted. I sighed. I had forgotten the Pallet family was like that, otherwise I would have found some way to avoid wasting those minutes. Noel was glaring at me, and I just gazed back at him until he looked away disgruntled.
I pointed back at the handout. “I have already considered physical capabilities and ages, and if you look back at the hand-out that you have, you’ll notice a schedule of who will have water gathering duties on what day. I have excluded everyone under the age of fourteen from those duties.”
“What, so the little snots are just going to laze around?” sneered a girl, twirling her hair around her pinky in boredom. The corner of my mouth twitched into a slight frown. Selena was never one of the kindest people I knew, but I had expected some more respect from her.
I crossed my arms. “I was just about to get to that, but next time we have a meeting, Selena Barres, I would rather you keep the attitude at home.” I gazed sternly at her.
Selena blanched and then flushed. She muttered a small and quick apology and stuck her hands in her coat pocket. The other kids around her snickered, but after a glare from her, they all fell silent.
I coughed before continuing. “Before I was interrupted, I wanted to propose that starting tomorrow afternoon, we will all go in groups of three or more to find what supplies we can gather from the houses. It will only be one hour a day until we can be sure that we’ve collected everything useful to us. This will include nonperishable food items, cooking supplies, and weaponry of any sort. Those aged twelve to fourteen will focus on food items, everyone else will focus on finding cooking supplies and weapons.” I looked out at my audience. “Any objections?”
No one said a word or raised their hand, so I took that as a no. “Great. I have one last thing to say; there will be sign-up sheets located in each household for extra service help. We need those who can cook, those who can help Serge in the clinic, and those who know their way around Sherwood Forest.”
There was murmuring in the crowd, and I let it subside. I glanced up at the clock tower, and my expression soured as I noticed that I was running five minutes behind schedule.
I glanced back at the crowd, and caught the smallest of smirks gracing the corner of Meri’s mouth. I quickly smiled and said, “I thank you all for coming out this morning, and I hope to see you all tonight in the houses. Anybody with questions or concerns can find me sometime today. Meeting dismissed!”
There was a visible sigh of relief as the survivors dispersed to their homes, with the sole exception of Meri. She looked up at me and said, “Good job today, Mr. Mayor. For a first time, it was really not bad at all.” She smiled, and then turned around to walk home. The red ribbon in her hair caught at the sunlight, striking against her black coat and dark hair. I hated how she caught my attention, how she distracted me.
Once she had left the square, I dropped the smile. “Serge,” I said, turning to him, “I want every piece of information you have about Meri Fallon.”

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